i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
