I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
