So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
