normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
