4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
