I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
