Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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