it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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