I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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