Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
