I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my phone needs a breathalizer
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
