I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
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My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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