I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
