Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
