Cold hands, warm shart.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
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let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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