i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
