sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
