God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
