If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
