How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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