I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize