Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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