wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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