yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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