I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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