Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
