i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
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I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
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It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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