i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
