i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
