if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
