Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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