I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
