Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
