She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
