I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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