I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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