You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
