So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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