Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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