Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
