we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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