Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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