i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
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you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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