Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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