k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
