Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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