She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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