you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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