ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
