The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
