my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
