have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
