My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
