I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
