So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
