the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
