We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
