Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
