yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
