how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
