So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
