Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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