I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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