i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
