I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize