so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
