If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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