Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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