He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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