Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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