i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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