im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Its about making memories worth repressing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
pray to the hookup gods
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
