We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
