there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
