oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
